The Effects of SSRI's on Relationships

Relationships are based on trust, nurturance, honesty, attraction, devotion, and of course, in most instances, sex. What happens if the sex is interrupted by a medical condition that prevents the ability to be sexually functional? There are many medical conditions that cause a lack of sexual interest and/or ability. Heart disease, diabetes, psychiatric illness, and others are just a few of the medical conditions that may interrupt what would normally be a healthy functioning sexual experience. Medication is provided to treat and prevent the course of an illness from worsening, or to maintain a level of functioning. What happens when the medication causes a profound change in one’s behavior and thought processes so as to render them impotent, developing a virtually non-existent libido?




Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors, (SSRI’s), do just that. As psychotropic medications used in the treatment of anxiety and depression they are often used as the first line of defense because of their ability to provide excellent results with fewer side effects. Working on the neurotransmitters in the brain, the SSRI's have been implicated by treatment providers of patients with major depressive and anxiety disorders in causing the problem of sexual dysfunction. Sexual dysfunction also creates other relationship issues: lack of intimacy, loneliness, stress, low self-esteem and more. The patient on the SSRI begins to enjoy life again without the depression or anxiety that plagued them. Their partner, on the other hand, begins to feel the side-effects of the SSRI. The literature shows that SSRI’s are effective and millions of patients who take SSRI’s wouldn’t have it any other way. However, even in the strongest of marriages and partnerships, when there is a strong commitment to the health and well-being between the partners, the curse of the SSRI is powerful. The relationship becomes a one-sided affair where there seems to be little room for change. The patient becomes comfortable with their lack of symptoms and their improved outlook and lifestyle changes. Their partners also appreciate the profound changes, but the sexual intimacy that is lacking is hard to ignore. The SSRI flattens the libido of the patient, not the partner. This is where the problem lies.

So what are couples to do? I struggle with this question as so many of my patients come to me with this particular issue. We talk about intimacy and the varied ways that a couple can be intimate. Touching, sharing thoughts, planning together, and talking about the reality of the situation are all ways of striking back. Weighing the symptoms of depression and anxiety against the new symptom of sexual dysfunction is important. This is not simple. This is a struggle for relationship-survival. Many couples break up because of the inability of the partners to connect on non-sexual or altered- sexual terms. Many couples don’t even know that the medication has caused the problem, believing instead that that the relationship is deteriorating without the understanding of what is happening.

First speak with your doctor. Be candid and let your physician know that you or your partner is experiencing sexual dysfunction. Most doctors will be sympathetic because they have heard this complaint before. When possible, adjusting the medication is a corrective action. Learning how to listen to your partner’s needs is also vitally important. The relationship survived a lot more than this issue up until now. Remember the positive qualities of the relationship before the medication and build on them. Couples need to see their strengths and reach beyond the sexual limitations. In the case of SSRI’s the treatment does become the problem, but it is not insurmountable. Patience, caring, openness, and willingness are the keys to recovering the libido. Awareness that there is a problem and knowing the causes helps the couple make adjustments that become satisfying to both. SSRI’s can be used more effectively to control the symptoms of anxiety and depression when coupled with patient and partner education. It is up to the treatment provider to provide this education to the patient and their partner so that they understand the probability of a restricted libido allowing them to be sexually proactive. There is hope in this area of treatment and recovery.

JJR/NY ©

Looking for Love: Online Dating Tips

Looking for love online has become a major business around the globe. Whether you search online dating sites or join social networks, you are one of the millions of people searching and millions of dollars being spent each year on this human task.

How you present yourself to the dating and social network communities is as important as who you are as an individual. There are some key factors that must be followed in order to be successful in your presentation and search:




Profile:

Be honest about what you present in your profile. The beginning of any relationship is fostered by honesty and openness so that there are no surprises and disappointments at the first meeting. Your profile must be accurate and to the point. You will have time to embellish things about yourself in later contacts. Think about what you would expect from someone else and then do it yourself.

Photo:

As with your profile you want to be honest and up front about yourself and what you really look like. A recent photo is your best bet. There are some great sites online to help you look your best, but a simple digital photo uploaded by you will do just as well. Before you choose your photo think about the millions of people who might be viewing it. Is this your best angle? Does the photo bring out your features? A head shot shows and tells more than a full body shot that is often lost in the distance. The photo often makes it or breaks it. People who search online are visual. If what you see is what you get, then your photo is probably the number one tool to use to catch someone’s attention.

Audio/Visual:

Many sites today are using webcams to capture even more of the persona and personality of the subscriber. Again, as with a photo, what you see is what you get. Take time to create an audio/video cast in order to present a captivating you. Using A/V technology is an opportunity for you to shine. Even technophobes can find a way to upload a clear and defining A/V cast. There are many programs online to help you. Remember, people look for quality, intensity, honesty, and approachability.

These are the main points to remember in creating an online presentation of who you are and how you want others to see you. The most important thing to remember is to “be you”. Looking for love online can be fun and exciting. It is ever-changing as people and profiles come and go on the thousands of online dating sites and social networks. Above all remember that you are one in a million, not just one of millions. Be courteous, be kind, be honest, and be objective. Be patient. Most often, love will find you often before you find love.

JJR NY ©

Safety in Numbers: 10 Online Safety Tips

As the owner of a dating directory I feel compelled to share with my readers 10 safety tips that I have created to make your online dating experience joyful, exciting and safe from harm:

1. Look for a reputable dating site. Just because you are paying a hefty monthly fee doesn't mean that a site is reputable. Speak to your friends and others and ask if their experiences have been successful. Past success is usually a good predictor for the future.




2. Once you have found the dating site that you want to work with decide how much you want to share in your profile. There is a reason why they are called "personals". People share their personal business with others, but be careful not to expose too much too soon.

3. Always be discreet the first time around. There will be plenty of opportunity for you to open up your heart and life story. Remember you can always edit your profile.

4. Remember you have a right to privacy. Respond in a responsible way to inquiries. Everyone tries to make themselves look good in an email. It's real life that really matters. Maintain your privacy until you are ready to share.

5. Use caution. I will say it again, use caution when you share your information. Pay close attention to how much the other person is open to revealing who they are. Someone who is unable to or unwilling to offer up answers to simple facts about themselves may not be the one for you. Move on!

6. When you finally decide to meet, meet in a public place. Take your own transportation or travel with a friend. Even though it may be more convenient for you to be picked up, don't accept the offer. This isn't about being independent, it is about staying safe.

7. Let a friend know where you are and who you will be with. Arrange a check-in time during the date. A phone call or text message will be an alert or an all- clear.

8. If the chemistry is right and you feel like you are falling in love on the first date, think again! Never go home with your date and don't agree to let him follow you home.

9. Watch the booze. Drinking too much will make you vulnerable physically and emotionally. Keep your wits about you at all times. With little or no inhibition you are putting yourself in a compromising and potentially dangerous position. And that goes for party drugs too!

10. Remember safety 1st. Although statistically online dating is safe, there are are still danger signs to pay attention to. Be suspicious, if you must. Be inquisitive. Know when to trust your instincts and call an end to a date. Never act desperate. It may be wiser to go home alone than to stick around with a stranger who doesn't interest you.

Finding love can be an exciting beginning to a special relationship. Feeling love is even more special. Be careful and play it smart.

JJR NY ©

Janet Reiss, LCSW is a Certified Social Worker in New York State. When not working as a Clinical Manager at a community hospital or in her private practice in Long Island, Janet is an entrepeneur. Her website http://www.lookingforlove.com attracts many singles looking for the link to love.