Are You Really Ready for a Relationship?

So often I hear, I want a boyfriend, I’m married but I’m not happy. I just got divorced and I don’t want to make the same mistake again. When will I find someone? It occurred to me recently that in order to be in a relationship that works, it’s necessary to be ready to enter one. I know that sounds really simple, but if we look at our national divorce rate, you can see that it is not simple. In fact, I seriously doubt that many people consider their readiness for marriage or relationship of any sort. I think the average scenario goes something like this. He is attracted to how she looks. She is attracted to his energy and productivity. They start dating and eventually she thinks it might be a good idea to get married. He goes along because he is sure it’s going to get him regular sex and then all their friends and relatives get excited about their wedding. They have a big celebration and then they start to realize there is more to marriage than living together. Please forgive me for the offensive simplification of this scenario. It is merely an illustration.




My awareness heightened when I began working with clients who were in a state of chaos. They were in various stages of post relationship survival. Their finances were in a shambles. Some were broken hearted, with no self-esteem, out of work, wondering what to do about their rent and utilities payments and seeking coaching about their relationships. Many, I think, were planning on having a new relationship rescue him/her from impending disaster. I started to think about parameters for readiness in relationship. What specific standards and status should be the baseline? What exactly constitutes readiness? What is definite is that nothing is definite. So where do we start?

First is desire. The desire to be part of something is manifested in relationship. You can’t be “in” relationship unless you want to be. Partnership demands a serious time commitment, one on one conversations, planning, dating, socializing, compromising, making love, having sex, playing, working, sleeping, having children and raising them, shopping, cleaning house. Granted, some of these things you would do even if you were not in relationship. However, once you are seriously committed, as in living together, every one of the above -mentioned tasks involves agreement and participation by both partners.

Even prior to living together, finding someone you are willing to try being in relationship with is practically a full time job. So many of the people that I talk with in my work, tell me, I just don’t have the energy to go through the process of dating and getting to know someone well enough to feel comfortable being authentic and intimate. Don’t you agree that many people settle for what they have, even if unsatisfying, because it’s just too much work to change it?

Those that I have coached all the way to marriage and beyond have been serious about getting married. They wanted it, they were willing to do whatever it takes to find and enroll the right partner. They also do whatever it takes to maintain the level of passion and intimacy, production and appetite that are necessary to sustain a healthy, vibrant, satisfying relationship. In other words, they do not assume that once you are in a “marriage” or “committed relationship” that IT will take care of itself.

One seemingly unrelated concept that has forever been an annoyance has to do with loan applications. Bear with me on this. Whenever you submit a loan or credit application, the first response of the lender is to check your credit and your financial picture. If it appears that you need money for any reason, the likelihood of approval for financing is almost nil. However, if you appear financially stable with plenty of unused credit and a steady job and money in savings, every financial institution is clamoring to lend you money. So how does this relate?

It is my opinion, that love and relationship operate in the same way. Let’s say you go to the love bank and ask for a boyfriend/girlfriend, a serious one perhaps leading to marriage. The love bank manager takes a look at you and says. You work too much, you spend all of your money, your credit cards are maxed-out, you have diminished self esteem and a broken heart from the last one, you’re physically and emotionally bankrupt, and you don’t trust anyone. REJECTED!!! Now, you are really in need of someone to save you so you continue looking at all of the B and C rated love lenders, bars, pick up joints, work, internet dating services, personal ads until you find someone who is as needy as you are. You need someone to rebuild your self-esteem and reassure you that you are indeed lovable.

WRONG!!!!!

Although I have never been fond of credit reporting agencies and the use of their information by lending institutions, there is some validity in their strategy that is applicable to relationship coaching. In order to be ready for a serious relationship, one must achieve the following:

1. Desire to be in relationship

2. Self – esteem. Know that you are attractive and have something to offer another person.

3. Financial stability. At least enough income to take care of your housing and basic needs and minimal credit card debt.

4. Work. A job that satisfies some of your achievement needs.

5. Vulnerability. Enough healing that you are able to share your authentic self with this person.

6. Love. An abundance for yourself with enough left over to share with another person.

I am not saying that you must be in perfect shape. What I am saying, however, is that you will attract a person who is your balance, someone who has the same or different issues in the same proportions. If you are needy, you will attract neediness. If you have intimacy issues you will attract someone who is shut down. So it is in your best interests to undertake a personal redevelopment plan prior to looking for a relationship. Be the best you that you can be to offer to another person. This seems to be a great way to start the new year. Funny, how it usually happens that someone who has been taking extraordinary care of themselves and not looking for a relationship suddenly finds him/herself in love.

Relationship coaching is life coaching. Life becomes extraordinary when we discover that being absolutely committed to taking care of ourselves, leads to abundance in every aspect of our lives.

Buy my book http://www.HowToGetWhatYouWantFromYourManAnytime

Enroll in an e-course http://www.RomanceReentry.com

Request a consultation http://www.gettingwhatyouwant.com

e-mail me at Susan@gettingwhatyouwant.com

"I help people who want sacred intimacy in a hot relationship, get what they want from each other so that they can experience more fun, more sex and less bickering!"

818-548-0849

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Susan_Sheppard

7 Amazing Ways To Let Her Know That You Are The Best Deal!

Going on a date is a lot like going to a job interview – you wear your nicest clothes, you try to present yourself in the best light, and you worry about saying something stupid. And in both situations you’re trying to sell yourself to someone else. So what are the best things to do to show a woman that you’re a great catch?

1. Take extra care in your grooming. This is the first item on the list because it’s the most important. Good grooming shows other people that you care enough about yourself to do basic physical maintenance. That means your hair isn’t shaggy and unkempt (unless that’s a deliberate style choice), your clothes aren’t wrinkled or dirty, and your nails are clipped and clean. That doesn’t mean you have to go overboard and be something you’re not – your clothes should be clean, but they should also be items that you feel comfortable wearing. If you’re clean-shaven, then you shouldn’t be stubbly on a date, and if you have a beard or mustache then they should be neatly trimmed. And above all, make sure you smell good – shower and use deodorant. Remember that splashing on cologne is no substitute for a hot shower.




2. Make her laugh. That doesn’t mean that you should turn into a Catskills comedian on your date. But if you have a good sense of humor, use it! Polls consistently show that women find humor the most attractive thing about a man, above looks, money or an impressive career. Laughing together is an intimate act, and boosts endorphin levels. So if you can get her laughing, she’ll see you as a potential mate all the quicker.

3. Don’t give her a list of your faults. It’s become a common thing for people to ‘fess up to all of their flaws and bad behavior, thinking that it makes them look charmingly honest for admitting to their flaws. But look at it this way – if you were trying to sell a car, would you lead off by talking about the lousy gas mileage, the uncomfortable seats and the leaky sunroof? She’ll see your bad side soon enough. In the beginning, avoid talking too much about why you’re not a great catch – because she might believe you.

4. Care about what she has to say. Far too many men think that making a good impression means talking about themselves all night. And yes, you should tell her about your job and talk about the things that interest you. But ask her about her job, too, and her interests and her family and anything else that you can think of. Then remember what she tells you. If you’re on your third or fourth date and you remember that she loves a certain band or that her father recently had an operation, she’ll be impressed that you cared enough to pay attention to what she had to say – you might be shocked at how few men understand how important that is.

5. Pick up the check. It doesn’t really matter what you, your friends or your date feel about women’s issues – most women are old-fashioned when it comes to who pays on a date. Once you’ve won her heart, the two of you can split all the checks you like. In the beginning, though, you should absolutely, positively pay for dinner. If she’s really insistent about paying her share, tell her she can get the check next time or tell her she can pay for the movie and you’ll take car of dinner. But whatever you do, don’t split a check, especially on the very first date – it makes you look cheap, and you’ll lose points.

6. Don’t talk about old girlfriends or ex-wives. This ties into #3 above. You shouldn’t hide the fact that you’ve had other relationships, but you shouldn’t talk about them much, either, especially if you don’t have anything nice to say. If you’re harboring anger towards the women in your past, that can make you look bitter and petty in the eyes of your new flame. If you say too many good things about an ex, on the other hand, she may wonder if you have unresolved feelings for your ex. Discretion, as they say, is the better part of valor – there’s a reason why etiquette experts have always said that a gentleman doesn’t discuss his past conquests!

7. Be true to your word. Women value honesty, and many become a bit gun-shy about dating after having had their trust betrayed by men they care about. So do what you say you will – like, say, call her the next day – and follow through on your commitments. That means that you should be on time for dates and do everything you promise you’ll do, whether it’s pick up Chinese food for dinner or come over to meet her parents. If you don’t show her that you can be trusted, at best she’ll think you’re a flake – at worst she’ll assume that you’re a liar who could be cheating on her or worse. A trustworthy man is a catch, and worth his weight in gold – so be that guy and win her heart!


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What is Your Love Personality?

What is your Love Personality?
by Alina Ruigrok
 
It is an obvious fact that we can learn and know what true love is. What we are often not aware of though, is that there are different love trends. Does it even matter if we understand love trends? If we are in a happy relationship, then that means it is all fine, right? Yes and No. Although, your love with your partner might run smoothly for a while, it can take a turn we often never expect. This is why knowing about love trends is helpful.

What may have turned you or your partner on at first, might not be a turn on later. How is this possible if they seemed so crazy over certain things before? The reason is quite simple and reasonable. When we first get involved with people, the attraction and lust is so strong (not that it would not be later), that the way one seduces the other is not truly focused on, but simply instantly appreciated, since they are so drawn to one another.



 
As the relationship proceeds and the bond builds, you will start getting in touch with your own style of loving and expecting your partner to match up to it. At times, this will be just the case. Couples can share the same love trend, but at other times, they can differ. If your trends do differ, do not look at it as negative, but as a way to combine them and form a creative love trend together. It should not be one way or the other. There is no such thing as the wrong way to love, except for obsession, controlling and abuse, of course-which is not love anyway, although some feel it is.

How do you even come about recognizing the love personality of yours or your partners? It is not difficult, but does require quite a bit amount of observation. Start by making notes of your romantic qualities and ideas of what great romance, sex and seduction is to you. Do you like walks on the beach and dining at cozy, romantic restaurants? Or do you like setting up your sexual activities by setting up a scene and playing along with it, or just going with the flow? By knowing what trend you follow, you will then be introduced to your romantic identity and know what you need from your partner.

There are several types of love trends that you should know about. It will help you come to a deeper understanding of what type of lover you are and your partner as well. People, whose